Set Me

"To want something (or someone) so badly is to set yourself vulnerable."

Just Now

It just got me stunned to know that the more world's treasures we own, the more we need to hold back and not to spend it only for ourselves in order to keep us sane. It's fair enough.

So True

"Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment"

Lao Tzu-

15th September's Quote

"There are many things in life that will catch your eyes, but only a few will catch your heart. Pursue those."

Michael Nolan

My Soul on Fire Part 2

http://www.blogthedayaway.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/01-300x168.jpg

Janitor : “I just wanna say something before we kiss okay. To the guests, thanks for coming even though I didn’t want you here. I know that I’m weird, but you know you’d be weird too if your mother aged backwards like mine did. So the thing is I always kinda figured that I’d end up alone… and then you came along. And you don’t just accept my quirks and my crazy stories, and my lies about my mom… you actually appreciate me for them. And I’ll never stop appreciating you for that. I know I’ll never stop loving you for it.”

I was speechless. The words stopped me for a while, thinking how nice it was. Don't you wish a lover who's a lot like Lady? Me? Yeah.

Today's Quote

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm"

Ralph Emeron

Dan Akhirnya Hilang

Seminggu lebih kayaknya absen ngeblog, kangen juga. Selama hiatus ini, badan gue tidak mengalami banyak pergerakan, tapi otak gue melancong jauh (read : berpikir keras). Yang gue pikirin sederhana sih sebenarnya, pengalaman-pengalaman gue (which are mostly) yang ga enak. Haha agak aneh sih sama diri sendiri, udah ga enak tetep aja dipikirin. Dan dan, salah satu benang merah dari runtutan pengalaman itu adalah : kehilangan.

No, no, jangan harap menemukan curahan hati yang standar orang buat di diary. Gue (lagi) nggak mau curhat menye-menye di sini. Gue cuma ingin share buah pikiran gue selama beberapa hari dalam kesunyian sebuah kota kecil di selatan Jawa Tengah. Di sana gue pure liburan tapi yang gue dapet malah ilham tentang banyak hal.

Oke, basically, gue percaya semua orang pernah, akan, dan selalu kehilangan. Gampangnya aja, setiap orang kehilangan waktu, ya kan? Sejujurnya, I'm good at losing things but unfortunately bad at finding them back. Yang ini kayaknya emang bakat terpendam yang tidak produktif tapi gue miliki haha. Gue sering (bgt) kehilangan dari mulai kertas jawaban peer yang udah selesai (jaman SMA nih, udah lewat haha), akte kelahiran (yang ini hampir, kalo ilang beneran bisa dianggap anak apa gue), nametags, uang, handphone, granny, crushs, bfs, sampe yang baru-baru ini kuitansi pembayaran wisuda.

Nah, gue coba bagi 2 : kehilangan barang dan kehilangan manusia. Dua-duanya sama sama ga enak, tapi ga enaknya beda. Dua-duanya menyedihkan tapi menurut gue solusinya sama. Dan, dua-duanya serupa tapi tak sama.

Mulai dulu dari kehilangan barang. Yang paling gue inget adalah pas handphone hadiah keterima di smabels ilang. Dan sampai detik ini gue masih inget ilangnya pas sepupu gue yang paling lucu lahir, 28 Oktober 2004. Sampe detik ini, gue juga masih inget rasa keselnya kayak apa. Gue lalu dihukum beberapa bulan terputus komunikasi dengan masyarakat luas (boong deng jaman gue kelas 1 SMP kan hp ga begitu fungsional buat gue) dan akhirnya bokap nyokap ga tega juga ngeliat gadis kecilnya kehilangan dunia sosialnya (yang ini boong juga, kalo jaman sekarang mah, mungkin iya, gue dulu punya hp buat maen bounce haha) kemudian memberikan pengganti yang lebih canggih dooonggg setelah gue mengikhlaskannya digondol maling.

Lalu, masih banyak kehilangan lain, tapi intinya miriplah.

Nah, sekarang kehilangan manusia. Dari pengalaman gue pribadi, rasanya jauh jauh lebih menyakitkan daripada kehilangan barang ya, apalagi kalo orang tersebut punya hubungan yang cukup dekat dan pernah berharga. Kadang kehilangan kenalan aja rasanya ga enak kan apalagi kehilangan orang yang berarti. Gue ga pernah sih kehilangan sahabat dan tidak akan pernah mau juga meskipun dalam dunia ini mungkin saja terjadi putus hubungan pertemanan.

Terlepas dari rasa sakitnya, lama waktu penyembuhan, intensitas kepentingan, dan kronologis kejadiannya, apapun yang hilang, tetep aja kehilangan itu sama sekali ga enak. Yang menggelitik sinaps neuron gue dan hati nurani gue adalah hal ga enak selalu terjadi pada manusia. Jadi, silogismenya manusia selalu mengalami kehilangan.

Ironis ya?

Nggak! Sama sekali nggak. We may mourn but hey wake up, don't you think that everything is given? So what if it's taken back? Why don't let them go wholeheartedly?

Simple kedengerannya. Faktanya berat. Wajarlah, menurut gue kalo ga kehilangan malah sense of possesionnya patut dipertanyakan. Sampai detik ini, teori di atas masih menjadi peer kehidupan pribadi gue. Tapi yang jelas, gue percaya di balik setiap hal ada maksudnya. Termasuk kehilangan. Atau mungkin juga kan kehilangan itu ujian atas sense of belonging dan kemampuan manusia menghargai apa yang dimilikinya? Ya, mungkin saja.

"You don't know what you've got till it's gone"

Love Actually

"Love is much like a wild rose, beautiful and calm, but willing to draw blood in its defense."

Mark Overby

I've been being a single for...errr 7 months now. Long time, huh? I barely recognize the feeling of being in love.

Well, the last one I had was complicated, remarkable yet painful. But, I've learned a lot about loving, losing, and healing a broken heart. Healing my own heart is the most difficult thing. But I succeeded to stand upright and to have my head held up. Although, inside, I was broken into pieces.

It's awkward at first to do my daily. It was odd to be all alone. It was hard to accept the truth that the one I loved had gone. But I smiled, laughed all day, tried to show people that I was doing just fine. I succeeded and I survived.

Recalling the past is no longer painful now. I believe in God and I know that destiny exists. I'm thankful now for every second I was in love, every hour I spent to mourn, every moment I'd had. They are all responsible for what I'm now. I don't blame anybody for the heartache I felt. I believe that it's written.

Love is difficult. I can't understand its pattern or its formula. Maybe I'll never understand. But it's alright. Loving and being loved are such precious gifts. Love is the most precious thing given to human being. Fortunately, I was there. I'm thankful for that.

Nothing has to be regretted. I'm sure of the fact that someday I'll be given that precious gift. And when the time comes, I'll be the one who appreciate it, live it with a sincere heart, and undergo what's written wholeheartedly...

Pathetic

"What can a woman do when she's in love? Almost nothing..."

NPH-