About Time

Banyak yang belum kita ketahui - yang tersisa menjadi pertanyaan. Katanya, takdir sering menitipkannya pada waktu.

GA 246 & TAXI AFG 001

Ruang dan waktu dan segala yang di dalamnya, pencatut keterbatasan manusia. Alangkah kurangnya kita. Takluk pada dimensi dan kala.

Tapi sepertinya, keterbatasan  justru mendefinisikan. Bukankah dengannya, makna jadi nisbi?

Seperti ketika melayang di angkasa, makin banyak yang dapat terlihat tapi raga tidak mampu menjangkau. Ingat, ada ruang.
Seperti ketika kita berpikir bahwa segala sesuatu kekal (apa itu kekal?). Ingat, ada waktu.

Sukar diakui, tapi kita suka bertarung melawan kodrat  - seakan semua sejauh rengkuhan. Kalau direnungkan, mengapa harus berletih melawan? Bukankah hidup di batasan-batasan itu menyenangkan?

Bukankah itulah hidup? Batasan?

Alasan

Manusia butuh alasan. Yang lebih besar dari dirinya sendiri.
Untuk mengerjakan hal yang lebih penting (bukan) bagi dirinya sendiri.

Lucu

Hidup itu suka melucu, ya. Kalau merasa cocok, malah menghilang. 
Sedangkan yang begitu ingin, dirasa tidak pas. 
Ah, mungkin memang masih waktunya bermain-main... 
dengan waktu, yang tidak pernah kalah.

Waktu

Apakah kita berhak marah pada waktu, yang terlalu cepat merenggut tawa dan terlalu lama mengurung rana?
Apakah kita berhak kecewa pada waktu, yang terlalu sering membuang kesempatan dan menahan kita dalam bosan?
Siapakah kita? Tuan? Sungguhkah waktu tunduk pada tuan?

I Heard

"But maybe, that is who you truly are; you love your silence and you find tranquility on your own. Aren't we too attached to the standards and our minds bombarded with others' definitions? You should be thankful for having had that journey. You still are in fear, but of different matters. Changing mind is not always bad--as well as changing attitude. Although being alone is not always good, you know now that it's better than a false company. So, drop your hatred out and release yourself. You'll see that everyone is blessed with different beauty," she said.

To The End of It

Two days ago, I got home from my last trip on this holiday.
Liburan tiga bulan ini seru. Banget. In 2 months, I traveled 4 different places in 3 different countries. Merasakan mulai dari naik maskapai penerbangan bonafide ke sebuah negara maju sampai naik bus yang AC-nya mati dan harus dibenerin selama almost 3 hours (thanks Pindar, that experience completes my life). Merasakan mulai dari tulang dicabik dingin untuk menyaksikan keindahan alam yang surealis sampe shopping bikin bangkrut. God, thanks, thanks, thanks.

So, how do I feel now?
Lucky, partly. And empty fills the other part. The fact that I still need to complete a quest of arranging so-called life schedule threatens me somehow. Tetiba sadar aja gitu kalo gue harus bertanggung jawab sama hidup dalam waktu dekat. Maksudnya, in less than a year I may obtain my bachelor degree. You know, I'm thinking about "what next?". It scares me karena gue ngerasa disoriented. The last time I remember I really wanted something so badly ya Akuntansi UI sama Midsummer. Habis itu.....................

I need that kind of excitement. Haha kesannya kayak ga bersyukur bgt ya sama hidup. Ngga kok, bersyukur, bersyukur bgt. Satu-satunya yang jelas sekarang, gue tau kalo gue pengen keliling dunia. I am just being another Nadya out there. Bukan Nadya yang malas dan manja seperti di rumah. Turns out I am strong enough to wander around on foot for like 4 hours and lift 12 kg luggage.

Yesss, I need something that forces me to work beyond my limit.

Pertanyannya balik lagi: apa ya?

I'm On The Edge

12:13. Kurang dari 12 jam sebelum tahun berganti jadi 2013. Gosh, this year has been flying at the speed of light. And I'm just missing my old excitement of new year euphoria.

Kenapa ya? Apa karena udah tua? Apa karena merasa materi ujian belum dipahami betul?

Entahlah, mungkin sekarang lebih asyik melihat sejenak ke belakang. Oh yeah, this year was such an awesome blast. Sepertinya semua rasa bener-bener dihadapi tahun ini. I feel complete as a human. Seneng, sedih, excited, lost, terharu, absurd, flat, butterfly in my stomach. Haha semua deh. Se-complete itu :'')

Seorang teman meramal peruntungan saya di 2012 di penghujung 2011. It turned out that ramalannya partly true, but mostly not as far as I remember. Mungkin karena ramalannya waktu itu bikin saya insecure mati-matian. Sampai saya tidur ga tenang supaya ga kejadian.

And maybe it's true for future-forecaster. Nobody, no single breathing-creature bisa meramal exactly masa depan kayak apa. We try as much as possible to predict future while we are silently aware that the joy of living lies in the mysteries it holds. We're just simply addicted to surprises. But we deny it, we simplify our lives, we minimize our risk of being hurt.

Tapi ada satu rasa yang paling bikin saya damai di siang hari yang indah ini: thankfulness. Ibadah minggu terakhir di 2012bener-bener menampar saya tepat di pipi. "Hidup ini hanya kasih karunia Tuhan," gitu kata Bu Pendeta. Exactly seperti yang secara magis berseliweran di hati dan pikiran saya belakangan ini.

Anehnya lagi, semalam sebelumnya,saya menatap mata seorang random di jalan yang somehow membuat saya ngerasa kalau saya perlu berbuat sesuatu, giving back to the universe that has been fulfilling my life.

Mungkin 2013 akan menjawab pertanyaan saya akan real passion saya, akan mau dibawa kemana hidup setelah lulus dari kampus kesayangan. Mungkin 2013 saya akan pergi ke suatu tempat random yang akan mengubah hidup saya selamanya. Mungkin saya akan jatuh dan sakit bgt untuk dapat jawaban tentang hal-hal krusial yang sering saya tanyakan.

Apapun itu, above anything, I just want to feel alive, to possess passionate excitements towards life. Dan saya tahu salah satu yang bisa bikin itu ya cuma dengan bermimpi...mimpi yang impossible sampai ga tenang buat tidur, menangis, dan bersujud di hadapan Yang Maha Kuasa.

Eventually, thank you very much, my dear 2012. It's been a superb, no, awesome, no..ah I just can't find appropriate word to describe you. It's been a ya-you-feel-it year.

And for you, the upcoming year, I'm ready for your mysterious surprises.

BRING IT ON! :D

Know Now

It recently clears to me that the first and foremost thing is sometimes behind the bars of society's "credential". How well environment could shape you, try to define who you are. And it's most likely for you to be trapped into that giant ease, leaving you with whole emptiness.

Guess what...it's the trick. Once you lose a grip, you'll be just running round and round. Because you have nowhere to go, you know no direction.

New Encounter

I've spent much time looking for a remedy out of daily routines. It's never been right with food, because I gain weight easily. Also not working on alcoholic beverage or cigarette, because my mind doesn't find it delicious. Shopping is only a short getaway, leaving guilty pleasure each time transaction has been finished.

So, I just had a new encounter. Stepping my feet on the ground I've never walked before. Stressing over unsuccessful map reading. Shocking after unpredictable food taste. And also, the most important of all: deadly feeling of longing for people-I-care-the-most's presence.

This might be not a huge deal but the idea of visiting new places really is a life-changing experience. It leaves me a big question: why do I always take things for granted? Why can't I, instead of hating it, appreciate the quirky findings I often meet back there?

In fact, no matter how hateful I was, I found myself looking back at those pictures and suddenly missed ever single thing. Nobody knows whether I'll come back someday. Nobody knows whether it will remain the same (most probably, not). And soon I realize that...even doing groceries won't be just ordinary, again.

Someday

So someday if I am about to be smug, remind me that along the way there are people who are generous enough to lend me part of their lives or their lives as a whole to get me up there. I will have literally had taken their helps.
And by doing that, I would know that...nothing to boast about.

I Got Mine from Aleph, Perhaps

I must say that Aleph's biggest influence to mine is its lesson that every problem is a new encounter. I guess it applies now. Reading Marissa Mayer's story and I just got stunned, what will she do after this top of the world? Or...is it really the top?

Do we really reach our goal at a certain defined position? And will our specific end define our success? Will it even matter?

Are my sentences standing adjacent to each other?

I'd never been this conscious about this point until what happened last night. How could things be so... perishable? Have you ever wondered why your good friends back then in kindergarten or elementary school or whatever you name it are no longer that close to you? Have you ever asked why does time take away some parts of you? It sometimes doesn't replace them with new ones.

Things do end, some in hard way. For any relationships, remember what The Sims teach you, even lovers may turn into acquaintances.

Will and Way

This happened to me weeks ago. It all started when a friend of mine asked the procedure to do something which I, honestly, couldn't answer. Because it's a sort of important question, I tried to do the best I could to help. My mind began to think and soon after I found a solution, a very good one indeed. I said a very good one because it bridged me to an event I'd been begging for. I was excited to know that my wish was about to be granted. I took the first step then everything went smooth and great. I could say that what happened next really made my day.

Days after, I had second thought about series of events relating to my hope about something. Well, it led me to a conclusion that I should stop. Weird, but it felt so free to let go and then I took a precious lesson that "when there's a will, there's a way" phrase does exist in reality. Sometimes, the way, which eventually reveals the best, doesn't go for a "yes". It often goes for a "no", for my own good. But at least, I won't die wondering what probably would have occurred if I had done this or that. Why? Because I already did it, I have already answered my own question, my own hope by taking a leap of faith and accepting to act.

Yes, now I believe that when someone hopes so badly, sometimes in a series of exceptional events, the way emerges and leaves her/him with a choice, to act or to stay silent. And after choosing, well, the rest is God's business.

Setiap Ruas

Kalau saya boleh memilih, saya tentu akan lebih suka menjelajah Jakarta dengan mobil pribadi. Alasannya klise : nyaman, sejuk, damai, dan aman. Terlebih suasana dan cuaca Jakarta begitu keras. Tapi setiap perjalanan dengan kendaraan umum selalu membawa cerita berbeda. Selalu ada hal yang baru tiap hari, entah supir baru atau kenek baru, penumpangnya, suasananya. Wajarlah ya, namanya juga fasilitas umum. 

Selama kurang lebih enam tahun, saya berkutat dengan puluhan penumpang lain yang menumpang hidup pada bis yang sama, ratusan orang lain yang berdesakan di kereta yang sama, dan beberapa manusia lain yang duduk menerawang keluar sementara angkot yang kami tumpangi terus melaju menembus hujan.

Semestinya bukan menjadi suatu rekreasi ketika harus berdiri di bis yang penuh sesak atau kereta yang terlalu penuh hingga bernapas saja sulit. Tapi, entahlah, setiap perjalanan selalu memberikan inspirasi di balik cerita dan tingkah laku pemerannya. Tiap orang dengan latar belakang yang berbeda namun menggantung hidup pada satu supir atau masinis yang sama. It inspires me in such weird way. 


Kadang rekreasi itu bertambah ketika pengamen jalanan mulai memetik gitar, membersihkan pita suara dan bernyanyi. Jangan tanya kualitas mereka. Tidak sedikit yang berbakat, bahkan piawai menggesek biola atau meniup harmonika. Ada yang menyanyikan tembang lawas dengan suara dibuat-buat mirip Ebiet G. Ade. Lainnya menyanyikan berbagai genre musik masa kini. Mulai dari brit pop hingga pop melayu. Dari Nidji hingga Kangen Band.

Lucunya, saya tidak bisa semena-mena menyuruh mereka berhenti bersenandung. Saya tidak bisa seenaknya bertindak. Mau tidak mau saya harus mendengar suara fals mereka tidak peduli betapa buruknya suasana hati saya hari itu. Mau tidak mau saya harus menahan kantuk karena takut tersesat. Mau tidak mau saya harus bertoleransi dengan penumpang lain dan kegiatan mereka. Entah ibu-ibu baru pulang dari pasar dan tidur sembarangan atau mbak-mbak ABG yang curhat dengan temannya tentang pacarnya yang selingkuh.

Semua itu hanya segaris cerita tentang jalanan. Buat saya, jalanan seperti miniatur. Miniatur kerasnya hidup di ibukota Jakarta. Saya tidak memungkiri betapa saya ingin berjuang agar tidak selamanya menumpang fasilitas umum. Saya juga tidak menolak kalau orang tua saya meminjamkan kunci mobil untuk saya. Namun, saya tahu bahwa saya akan rindu dan kehilangan sesuatu. Ya, jalanan dan dinamikanya...

Boys and Girls

I was just walking my own blog and found a fun fact, I haven't written things about love and relationship things since err... well it's been a long time. Quite frankly, I really am a single right now and currently not even thinking (and feeling) about changing my relationship status on Facebook to in a relationship or widow, or widowed, or none ya simply because I enjoy being a single. No, no need to worry. I'm not about to write things about my own love story or someone I adore out there (being a single doesn't mean that my cute-handsome-cool-great-boys alert is turned off).

It all started when a good friend of mine re-tweeted a quote of the difference between boys and girls, in a relationship. It seemed like girls become victims in many painful relationships. Besides, weeks ago I chatted with some friends about relationship issue and found that in many ways, girls are hurt because of boys' attitude. 

I'm not writing here as a feminist. After thinking about human relationships, I, somehow, had a conclusion that girls are not always become the victims because actually we should see a relationship, especially romantic one (whether between heterosexuals or homosexuals), as an equal relationship among two parties who  are willing to make things work between them (well you may read this as love).

That's just how about girls and boys react after the crash. Okay, I give you illustrations. This one is played by B and C (ha I know it doesn't distinguish anything haha).

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/5591388/OgAAABFS7SnXCi89ap10Bi4mua8O2W4S-qepXlpCESpmG1d4xax4MkQj5LilPBEJKFhifO-tW4pilXsbfDAjvc_pHb0Am1T1UIs2sLnHt1Ii1HHsS5MvD6uQ-cw4_large.jpg?1292606960

B and C are in a romantic relationship and on a blue night (if you're Indonesian, you read that one as malam biru referring to a song made popular by a talented Indonesian male singer), they had a fight, a very big one. They didn't break up but decided to take a time alone to figure the relationship. On the next night, B went with their buddies, and C did too.

B : Yeah, we had a fight last night and... (started sobbing)..well, I just can't believe that...we just might end the relationship...(and continued blabbering, exaggerated things and stresses were on and B ended up crying).

And this what happened to C.

C : Yeah, we fought last night (started drinking or smoking or playing cards).Well, I love the relationship but....huff... I don't know what to do, it's getting complicated (and continued the story while figuring the solution but ended up drinking or smoking or playing cards, still).

Well, you may think it's most likely that B's a girl and C's a boy.  I'm not trying to make it in general that girls are fragile or such since we know independent, strong girls out there. The point is what most differentiates boys and girls in relationships is the way the communicate, the way they express feelings. It's when troubles come, the victims are both parties (in such a healthy relationship). It's another way to say, stop putting girls as victims or you, girls, stop being one. Girls, boys, both are human, with feelings and thoughts. Similarities and differences between them is what make a life and relationships beautiful.


Well, enough blabbering, I'm signing out.

http://s3prod.weheartit.netdna-cdn.com/images/5293222/tumblr_lcbaq5Jke51qd1te6o1_500_large.jpg?1291409265

PS : That malam biru thing, hm, I was trying to make a joke ha sorry.

And I Hope Nothing Turns Blue

I'm extremely busy nowadays. It's now common to get home at night and then directly hit the bed. And it got me think, what is the aim of all these? I just...hope for the best and pray that these efforts turn

good.

Forever and Ever

Since I was a kid, I've been wondering what "ever after" phrase would be truly like. I name it, on my mind,  ever after means happiness with no limit of time and space. But as I grow older, it seems to be so imaginative and...a little bit manipulative.

I'm not only talking about lovey dovey thingy which appears to be so beautiful and so, makes you wanna feel it like forever. Things are varied around us and we, basically, want them to be greatly arranged, all the time. In fact, they go down, sometimes. They can't always  stand for good (in this case, I call myself living witness of good-things-which-slowly-falls-apart).

I don't put the blame on the creator of Cinderella which forced my mind that forever and ever does exist. Well, it's not his/her fault either to create that such ending. Honestly, after thinking of stuffs, I blame myself. 

Most of the time, I only see how a story ends, without considering the process itself. To be honest, Cinderella was being tortured by her stepmother and stepsisters before meeting her prince charming. Okay, she still looks gorgeous even while mopping the terrace. However, no need to ask how the story drew the cruelty of her stepmother and stepsisters. Don't you think that she deserves the happiness ever after?

Briefly, I think all people deserve it. No matter how happy your life seems like, we're (all) suffering over some things.  And that's the point. I still believe that (though it sounds too good to be true) "forever and ever" does exist. But there are matters we should get over, we should forget, we should beat down, before experiencing the happily ever after. It does exist. And should be championed.

Night Tale

Saya sedang tertarik dengan bagaimana setiap orang memvisualisasikan kisahnya di hadapan orang.

Saya punya teman yang kisah hidupnya ruaarr biasa. Saya tidak pernah menyangka bahwa saat dia tertawa begitu lepas di depan saya, hatinya menjerit di saat yang bersamaan. Saya juga punya teman yang hidupnya, yaa bisa dibilang, indah. Tapi, dia buat sendiri distractions yang akhirnya membuat dia terlihat seolah-olah selalu dirongrong persoalan.

Saya sering jadi saksi hidup orang-orang yang bersandiwara di hadapan publik. Namun, sandiwara ini bukan seperti tangisan buaya artis yang meninggalkan kekasih gelapnya, ya. Orang-orang ini dengan riang menebar senyum dan meyapa orang dengan ramah walaupun suasana hatinya kacau karena tidak sanggup membeli sekadar roti untuk mengganjal perut di pagi hari. Kali ini, saya tidak melihat sandiwara sebagai hal yang buruk. Karena menurut saya, tidak membebankan orang dengan raut muka sedih dan kacau adalah hal sederhana yang baik adanya.

Saya tidak menghakimi demonstrative people yang secara eksplisit menunjukkan suasana hatinya kepada dunia. Ya, itu kan hak. Lagipula secara jujur, saya juga sering begitu :D. Tapi, still, saya salut sama tipe manusia yang pertama saya deskripsikan. Biar bagaimana, membahagiakan orang juga bisa dengan sederhana ditunjukkan dengan cara di atas, kan?

Ah, saya mau belajar seperti itu... :)

Thank You

But how do you thank someone, who has taken you from crayons to perfume?

It isn't easy, but I'll try,

If you wanted the sky I would write across the sky in letters,

That would soar a thousand feet high,

To Sir, with Love

That's a lot to learn,

What, what can I give you in return?

If you wanted the moon I would try to make a start,

But I, would rather you let me give my heart,

To Sir, with Love.... 

To Sir With Love, initially recorded by Lulu

That's song from Glee's Journey Episode. What a touching song, huh? 

I'm not talking about the song or the episode either. I honestly want to share what suddenly came up on my mind while listening to it. I was thinking about being thankful.

I realize how often I grumble about things I don't possess, about problems I face, about people around me, about every single thing. Sometimes, sadly, I must be warned by unlucky random people who cross my way or stay near me. Then, I'll feel like I'm, at least, better than those random people. Sound selfish, huh? But hell yeah, most people, including me, do some comparisons to feel good or secure.

I once was taught that we, human, should not compare the gifts we have to somebody's gifts. We're personally given one life. And it's not recommended to compare. But it's still so hard, for me, to be thankful for who I am, for what I have, not for what I can do and others can't.

Lately, I feel like my life is such a gift. And I feel pretty good because of that. And as what the lyric said, what can I give in return? Well, maybe I've just discovered the answer. That's also my life that I can give in return, in different form of gift.

http://whi.s3.prod.lg1x8.simplecdn.net/images/2681309/4708823634_40d8eabdf9_large.jpg?1277145761