I'm On The Edge

12:13. Kurang dari 12 jam sebelum tahun berganti jadi 2013. Gosh, this year has been flying at the speed of light. And I'm just missing my old excitement of new year euphoria.

Kenapa ya? Apa karena udah tua? Apa karena merasa materi ujian belum dipahami betul?

Entahlah, mungkin sekarang lebih asyik melihat sejenak ke belakang. Oh yeah, this year was such an awesome blast. Sepertinya semua rasa bener-bener dihadapi tahun ini. I feel complete as a human. Seneng, sedih, excited, lost, terharu, absurd, flat, butterfly in my stomach. Haha semua deh. Se-complete itu :'')

Seorang teman meramal peruntungan saya di 2012 di penghujung 2011. It turned out that ramalannya partly true, but mostly not as far as I remember. Mungkin karena ramalannya waktu itu bikin saya insecure mati-matian. Sampai saya tidur ga tenang supaya ga kejadian.

And maybe it's true for future-forecaster. Nobody, no single breathing-creature bisa meramal exactly masa depan kayak apa. We try as much as possible to predict future while we are silently aware that the joy of living lies in the mysteries it holds. We're just simply addicted to surprises. But we deny it, we simplify our lives, we minimize our risk of being hurt.

Tapi ada satu rasa yang paling bikin saya damai di siang hari yang indah ini: thankfulness. Ibadah minggu terakhir di 2012bener-bener menampar saya tepat di pipi. "Hidup ini hanya kasih karunia Tuhan," gitu kata Bu Pendeta. Exactly seperti yang secara magis berseliweran di hati dan pikiran saya belakangan ini.

Anehnya lagi, semalam sebelumnya,saya menatap mata seorang random di jalan yang somehow membuat saya ngerasa kalau saya perlu berbuat sesuatu, giving back to the universe that has been fulfilling my life.

Mungkin 2013 akan menjawab pertanyaan saya akan real passion saya, akan mau dibawa kemana hidup setelah lulus dari kampus kesayangan. Mungkin 2013 saya akan pergi ke suatu tempat random yang akan mengubah hidup saya selamanya. Mungkin saya akan jatuh dan sakit bgt untuk dapat jawaban tentang hal-hal krusial yang sering saya tanyakan.

Apapun itu, above anything, I just want to feel alive, to possess passionate excitements towards life. Dan saya tahu salah satu yang bisa bikin itu ya cuma dengan bermimpi...mimpi yang impossible sampai ga tenang buat tidur, menangis, dan bersujud di hadapan Yang Maha Kuasa.

Eventually, thank you very much, my dear 2012. It's been a superb, no, awesome, no..ah I just can't find appropriate word to describe you. It's been a ya-you-feel-it year.

And for you, the upcoming year, I'm ready for your mysterious surprises.

BRING IT ON! :D

Haru Biru

Dua hari setelah Hari Ibu. Belum tuntas euforianya. Lagunya beneran dinyanyiin Sabtu kemarin. Suasana jadi haru biru. 

Mother, how are you today?

Here is a note from your daughter.

With me everything is ok.

Mother, how are you today?

Mother, don't worry, I'm fine.

I promise to see you this summer.

This time there will be no delay.

Mother, how are you today?

I found the man of my dreams.

Next time you will get to know him.

Many things happened while I was away.

Mother, how are you today?

Suatu saat harus bener-bener bisa nyanyi lagu ini di suatu negeri nan jauh di sana (amin).

Just Now

It just got me stunned to know that the more world's treasures we own, the more we need to hold back and not to spend it only for ourselves in order to keep us sane. It's fair enough.

Know Now

It recently clears to me that the first and foremost thing is sometimes behind the bars of society's "credential". How well environment could shape you, try to define who you are. And it's most likely for you to be trapped into that giant ease, leaving you with whole emptiness.

Guess what...it's the trick. Once you lose a grip, you'll be just running round and round. Because you have nowhere to go, you know no direction.

Lately

Don't rush things as there's always time for everything. Stand up little longer and just be thankful. For today. For yesterday. And for tomorrow. :)

New Encounter

I've spent much time looking for a remedy out of daily routines. It's never been right with food, because I gain weight easily. Also not working on alcoholic beverage or cigarette, because my mind doesn't find it delicious. Shopping is only a short getaway, leaving guilty pleasure each time transaction has been finished.

So, I just had a new encounter. Stepping my feet on the ground I've never walked before. Stressing over unsuccessful map reading. Shocking after unpredictable food taste. And also, the most important of all: deadly feeling of longing for people-I-care-the-most's presence.

This might be not a huge deal but the idea of visiting new places really is a life-changing experience. It leaves me a big question: why do I always take things for granted? Why can't I, instead of hating it, appreciate the quirky findings I often meet back there?

In fact, no matter how hateful I was, I found myself looking back at those pictures and suddenly missed ever single thing. Nobody knows whether I'll come back someday. Nobody knows whether it will remain the same (most probably, not). And soon I realize that...even doing groceries won't be just ordinary, again.

Someday

So someday if I am about to be smug, remind me that along the way there are people who are generous enough to lend me part of their lives or their lives as a whole to get me up there. I will have literally had taken their helps.
And by doing that, I would know that...nothing to boast about.