[This Sounds Horrible]

For the first time in my life, I'm losing reasons to be awake. I'm half-dead.
I have plans ahead but I choose to sleep instead. I'm losing the answers to "why?".
Where else should I look for the answers?

Regol

Life in FEUI is such an unending bliss. I just finished my 7th regol, only two to final. I was the one who picked up randomly because there's a joy in surprising class mates. So I could know more people from different backgrounds. But this time is different. I planned with whom I wanted to be with in every class. I'm settling down with some close friends.

I'm so old :''')

On one evening, I finally found a remedy. Although I lost such big times, I had really great time. Yeah I tell people different pieces of story. My bad. But good news is those different minds are plentiful basket of inspirations and answers to questions I can't answer myself. I'm so blessed.

PS : We definitely shouldn't be mad at people over some crazy expectations we tailor on their characters. It's their freedom to live their own. Get a life.

The Cruel, Cruel World

“We'd forgive most things if we knew the facts.” Graham Greene, The Heart of the Matter

A second to anger, hold on to yourself and see how much you actually are anxious, and most probably, mad at yourself. 

I recently figured out that people act as a form of manifestation of their own desperation, expectations and other influential backgrounds. 

I am....not good at maintaining relationships, with almost anyone. Yes, I admit it. I pick to whom I tell which stories. I barely spurt all things to one person. Risk diversification. Whatever, I only tell what I think someone deserves to know. 

And I just realize how hard it is to understand people. To also understand that their cruelties towards me is also constructed by fear, wounds and disbelief. Mostly I act the same way, I rarely a negative of the bad. 

I've grown up the hard way. I am a strong type.

And yes, most of the times, it is true.

But now, am I losing my strength? Or do I just need profound justification of my own disbelief towards anything important in life?

Do I sound too gloomy, eh? Hhh, no... this is only a consistent query, lately. 

Do I Miss You

I know you miss me. I know it. I just don't think I do too. I continued sleeping when you said that.

Blame this bustle.

Weird (Bad) Luck

These past days have been very weird. I've gone through several losses, but this time feels so different. It's just unexpected, like the whole universe is against me. I don't know why and I WILL always wonder why. Because I believe there must be something good behind this. Because I believe this is a meaningful journey I must pass through. And because simply I believe that God..doesn't play dice.
I'll be waiting for the hidden messages.

Little Freak

It's very preferable to have ability to let go and focus on other things quickly. But, I'm not that kind of person. I'm the one who makes plans and wants to have it all done my kind-of-perfect sequence. I'm insane. I'm dying inside.

If it really is mine to hold, what's the point of crying out?