So This Is It

I have been excited about my own birthday since forever. I remember hanging on my mom's legs and looking up above to tell her I was going to have my 5th birthday the next day. I was simply happy. Although my chemistry test result was burned out on my birthday, I was still happy. Even though I was crying over spilled birthday cake, I was still as happy as I could be. I celebrate, I contemplate, I am surrounded by loved ones. That is just enough to me.
I just turned 20 yesterday and right now, I just felt different.
Not that I did not celebrate or contemplate or surrounded by loved ones.
This time... I just felt contented. 
If some people said one changing year is a subtraction to lifetime, I would prefer to take it as cynical, without any grounds. I feel my glass is full and to me, knowing that one more decade is over in tremendously fascinating way, I cannot be more grateful.
So this is it. A whole new year, a whole new decade. If the past decade had moved me through one school to another, this decade I would face much different situation. Between student and professional, between professional and family-person. How fast time flies... How unbelievable influences I was exposed to have made me the way I am today.

Thereofore, I am writing this post for sending my unnoticed gratitude to anyone who has, aware or not, brought me to this point of life. Be it long forgotten friends, unrequited love(s), random strangers, or maybe you, who is not a stranger at all but distant at any extents.

Thank you, people, for letting universe collide your life paths to mine. Take care, have a great life and see you someday, perhaps.

Good night.

There is A Light

There's a light within us that shall shine tirelessly.
Be it our own ambition. Be it a melodious name. Be it piles of dime. Be it...anything or anybody.
You know, we have always been and will always be lucky, for having at least a reason to live.

There's a light within us that should never go out.

Set Me

"To want something (or someone) so badly is to set yourself vulnerable."

[This Sounds Horrible]

For the first time in my life, I'm losing reasons to be awake. I'm half-dead.
I have plans ahead but I choose to sleep instead. I'm losing the answers to "why?".
Where else should I look for the answers?

Regol

Life in FEUI is such an unending bliss. I just finished my 7th regol, only two to final. I was the one who picked up randomly because there's a joy in surprising class mates. So I could know more people from different backgrounds. But this time is different. I planned with whom I wanted to be with in every class. I'm settling down with some close friends.

I'm so old :''')

On one evening, I finally found a remedy. Although I lost such big times, I had really great time. Yeah I tell people different pieces of story. My bad. But good news is those different minds are plentiful basket of inspirations and answers to questions I can't answer myself. I'm so blessed.

PS : We definitely shouldn't be mad at people over some crazy expectations we tailor on their characters. It's their freedom to live their own. Get a life.

The Cruel, Cruel World

“We'd forgive most things if we knew the facts.” Graham Greene, The Heart of the Matter

A second to anger, hold on to yourself and see how much you actually are anxious, and most probably, mad at yourself. 

I recently figured out that people act as a form of manifestation of their own desperation, expectations and other influential backgrounds. 

I am....not good at maintaining relationships, with almost anyone. Yes, I admit it. I pick to whom I tell which stories. I barely spurt all things to one person. Risk diversification. Whatever, I only tell what I think someone deserves to know. 

And I just realize how hard it is to understand people. To also understand that their cruelties towards me is also constructed by fear, wounds and disbelief. Mostly I act the same way, I rarely a negative of the bad. 

I've grown up the hard way. I am a strong type.

And yes, most of the times, it is true.

But now, am I losing my strength? Or do I just need profound justification of my own disbelief towards anything important in life?

Do I sound too gloomy, eh? Hhh, no... this is only a consistent query, lately.