Sovereign

I have learned a bit that it is hard to control variables in social sciences' research. To daily life, this is so applicable. To limit our current consciousness -and feelings- only to present circumstances is immensely difficult. To be affected by previous happenings and future hope is indeed very human.

But sometimes, we need to put ourselves only at the present time. There are often too much distractions we need to avoid in order to keep ourselves on the ground. We need to gain control over ourselves.

This is just a never-ending battle between what we should be and what we are. All I know is that it has always been easier to stay on our default settings, the what-we-are.

However, only when we win this battle would we declare ourselves sovereign.

I Heard

"But maybe, that is who you truly are; you love your silence and you find tranquility on your own. Aren't we too attached to the standards and our minds bombarded with others' definitions? You should be thankful for having had that journey. You still are in fear, but of different matters. Changing mind is not always bad--as well as changing attitude. Although being alone is not always good, you know now that it's better than a false company. So, drop your hatred out and release yourself. You'll see that everyone is blessed with different beauty," she said.

To The End of It

Two days ago, I got home from my last trip on this holiday.
Liburan tiga bulan ini seru. Banget. In 2 months, I traveled 4 different places in 3 different countries. Merasakan mulai dari naik maskapai penerbangan bonafide ke sebuah negara maju sampai naik bus yang AC-nya mati dan harus dibenerin selama almost 3 hours (thanks Pindar, that experience completes my life). Merasakan mulai dari tulang dicabik dingin untuk menyaksikan keindahan alam yang surealis sampe shopping bikin bangkrut. God, thanks, thanks, thanks.

So, how do I feel now?
Lucky, partly. And empty fills the other part. The fact that I still need to complete a quest of arranging so-called life schedule threatens me somehow. Tetiba sadar aja gitu kalo gue harus bertanggung jawab sama hidup dalam waktu dekat. Maksudnya, in less than a year I may obtain my bachelor degree. You know, I'm thinking about "what next?". It scares me karena gue ngerasa disoriented. The last time I remember I really wanted something so badly ya Akuntansi UI sama Midsummer. Habis itu.....................

I need that kind of excitement. Haha kesannya kayak ga bersyukur bgt ya sama hidup. Ngga kok, bersyukur, bersyukur bgt. Satu-satunya yang jelas sekarang, gue tau kalo gue pengen keliling dunia. I am just being another Nadya out there. Bukan Nadya yang malas dan manja seperti di rumah. Turns out I am strong enough to wander around on foot for like 4 hours and lift 12 kg luggage.

Yesss, I need something that forces me to work beyond my limit.

Pertanyannya balik lagi: apa ya?

So This Is It

I have been excited about my own birthday since forever. I remember hanging on my mom's legs and looking up above to tell her I was going to have my 5th birthday the next day. I was simply happy. Although my chemistry test result was burned out on my birthday, I was still happy. Even though I was crying over spilled birthday cake, I was still as happy as I could be. I celebrate, I contemplate, I am surrounded by loved ones. That is just enough to me.
I just turned 20 yesterday and right now, I just felt different.
Not that I did not celebrate or contemplate or surrounded by loved ones.
This time... I just felt contented. 
If some people said one changing year is a subtraction to lifetime, I would prefer to take it as cynical, without any grounds. I feel my glass is full and to me, knowing that one more decade is over in tremendously fascinating way, I cannot be more grateful.
So this is it. A whole new year, a whole new decade. If the past decade had moved me through one school to another, this decade I would face much different situation. Between student and professional, between professional and family-person. How fast time flies... How unbelievable influences I was exposed to have made me the way I am today.

Thereofore, I am writing this post for sending my unnoticed gratitude to anyone who has, aware or not, brought me to this point of life. Be it long forgotten friends, unrequited love(s), random strangers, or maybe you, who is not a stranger at all but distant at any extents.

Thank you, people, for letting universe collide your life paths to mine. Take care, have a great life and see you someday, perhaps.

Good night.

There is A Light

There's a light within us that shall shine tirelessly.
Be it our own ambition. Be it a melodious name. Be it piles of dime. Be it...anything or anybody.
You know, we have always been and will always be lucky, for having at least a reason to live.

There's a light within us that should never go out.

Set Me

"To want something (or someone) so badly is to set yourself vulnerable."

[This Sounds Horrible]

For the first time in my life, I'm losing reasons to be awake. I'm half-dead.
I have plans ahead but I choose to sleep instead. I'm losing the answers to "why?".
Where else should I look for the answers?