Note to Self

Been overpowered by sidejob things, I let myself drowned in an ambiguos ambition.

Yes, it's a lifetime goal, but how could I sell my heart to mugger for achieving it?

Okay, let's get it clearer. Sometimes, we put so much weigh on our dream that we overprice it and let go things that are more precious.

These are what I learn:

First of all, never put your heart in auction. Why? Simply because by not loving what you do, you might still get your so-called target but never satisfy your soul. So when you know it's not going to be something your heart would be happy for, just stop. And if you know the way to it is no longer true, just get away.

Secondly, though you know you can not stop time, do grab some minutes from working time and contemplate life in a slow motion.

Hopefully work. Fingers crossed.

Journey to The Past

The very main reason of having a blog (though this doesn't seem like a maintained one) is to reread some parts of life that mind can not easily recall if there's no trigger. I just did it. I tried to catch up with what I exactly meant on every word. And it's pretty ruthless because every post speaks figuratively. I was afraid of speaking in denotative sayings. I even deleted some posts which are vivid, in a meaning that you (reader, if there's any, well, I believe there are some) are able to easily make a guess of what was actually happening. Funny, I was the writer who can not apprehend what I actually said by writing this and that.

But I became disappointed of myself to find out that I did delete some personal notes or signs or anything that no one but me can reopen the box only because I was afraid to get hurt once more. Though from the moment I entered delete button I knew that someday I would be in favor to make a visit, it still happened. 

I want them back, I want it restored. 

And yeah, thanks anyone who discovered blog, a storage of memories. As my gratitude, I'll share you how life is going. 

Every Single Day of Holi-day

I should punish myself for this laziness.

The remark stays on my mind and keeps playing on everytime body stays on couch wanting not to go elsewhere. This is holiday. So true. But I've changed into a creature I can't even recognize whose guiltiness haunts while life overwhelms.

It is not fair. I want me back.

Howdy, People

I used to trust people, easily. And they've changed... to a form I've never realized before. It got me twisted though I found it amusing.
Till a heart said,  "They didn't changed. They were only revealing who they truly were."

Irony.

Current Joy

I'm having writer's block. Not because I have nothing to say, I've got plenty to tell. This may be not a piece of good writing with one giant idea in it. But, I'm trying, as hard as I can, to get you understood how much I'm overwhelmed by thankfulness.

It may be good to start from questioning the price of curiosity. As far as I know, it's never been this expensive. I was grown up in a telenovela and sinetron era. I was "forced" to watch telenovela at noon and to witness Paramitha Rusadi crying her heart out in a play at night. Never knew the reason, but I often  acted as if I was the actress, in a unbelievably-funny-yet-insane-way. 

The old insanity seeds curiosity and since my family often mocked me for that, I had always wanted to act in a play. Luckily, I got the chance in my second year on campus. I didn't know how to call this, but for approximately 6 months, I'd never given up on trying the best I could to learn a whole new world, something I'd never completely done before. The worst was I almost sold my soul to desperation. However, when it's time for the curtain to fall, I've never felt, so free...so contented.

I'm not saying that I was doing perfect on my previous 3rd December, I was enjoying myself. Maybe how it's supposed to go with anything in life. We cry as hard as possible and be happy as much as probable. It doesn't matter on the applause, on people's comments, and any other forms of acknowledgement. In the end, we should realize that all hard work and tears are needed only to achieve one thing, to make ourselves complete.

So, if I summed up, it would be like... "I didn't want to miss the chance to reveal the answer of my curiosity, so I signed up and got accepted, and then.... you know how much I sacrificed? So much that I couldn't help but letting my heart beats faster each time I remember that it's all worth it."

Thank you, A Midsummer Night's Dream. :)

Courtesy by Elvia Sumayastra

Coming Back Home

I once lost my belief that doing the best for people I love gives such additional energy to walk my days. Then I got shocked to see that though I finally had what I wanted, it led me nowhere but unthinkable misery.
Now I see that, people are source of such unbelievable amount of positivity. Although some people often throw me into troubles and difficulties, they’re somehow the reason why I’m standing in this very point, the point which I should actually proud of myself for opting life rather than death.
And for the rest, whom I know would stand till the end only to keep me alive, their smiles and happiness mean the world to me.
Good day, people.

Taken from my tumblr page, which apparently is about to end...soon ;) 

I'd never been this conscious about this point until what happened last night. How could things be so... perishable? Have you ever wondered why your good friends back then in kindergarten or elementary school or whatever you name it are no longer that close to you? Have you ever asked why does time take away some parts of you? It sometimes doesn't replace them with new ones.

Things do end, some in hard way. For any relationships, remember what The Sims teach you, even lovers may turn into acquaintances.